West Indians and domestic Violence
July 15, 2008
In the West Indian culture, being a young female, it seems as if domestic violence is a normal behavior. People are not aroused when hearing about a victim and victims are also very secretive about their usually ongoing and increasing abuse. Domestic violence is not limited to men battering their wives but also wives battering their husbands, parents abusing their children and other people in their households. A behavioral psychologist would say enacting in domestic violence is a learned behavior and is reinforced by the person’s environment. For example: a boy hits a girl and the boy is praised by his peers. Studies have shown that males are reinforced by physical aggressive behaviors by getting attention and other males stating “that’s how boys play”. Also, females are reinforced aggressively but their outlet is more verbal and emotional by “not wanting to be friends with other girls” and etc. I’m not stating this is the case for everyone, just a generalized statement using psychological journals and observations.
Domestic violence has many impacts on human being’s mental health and capacities. Like mentioned earlier, it can be a learned behavior; maybe a child sees their parent battering the other parent. In this scenario, a child may grow up either thinking that this type of abuse is an appropriate behavior and continue to do so with their significant other and/or other people that have significant roles in their lives. Another path would include the same child, as they age, they may vow to never treat anyone the same way. Of course experience and environment plays a role, especially in our societies. Think about a movie you saw when a man nudged a woman in a seriously persuasive way when she said “no” to the situation. Or not even limited to physical, but a woman telling her significant other how she feels he will “never amount to anything and that nothing they may do will never be good enough” to get any positive praise. In an environment like such, a person yearns for acceptance and positive reinforcement and will never get it from a person who is verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. Yet, we as society pass it off as either “none of our business” or “not such a serious matter”.
As a younger female, I feel everyone should be informed about a sensitive yet impacting subject like domestic violence and its many different faces (verbal, emotional, mental and physical). It is not a topic that should be a normal behavior. Many people may be reading this and feel embarrassed or ashamed about their experiences with domestic violence. We are here to tell you, it is not normal and if you feel trapped you should seek some help to make a positive change in your life. As I write this, I try to be as biased as possible about domestic violence but its hard knowing many West Indian victims of domestic violence who didn’t choose to change their situation no matter who intervened. I’m not writing this article to make people think ill of our culture but to be aware that with in the beauty of it, there is some grey areas that we should seriously address. We all have in some way witnessed domestic violence but why do we do nothing about it? Why do we act as if it is a normal behavior? Why may we blame the victim “because they’re still in the relationship”? Why are you sitting here thinking about your opinions but contemplating not to voice them?
Pady
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21 Responses to “West Indians and domestic Violence”
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Women do not have no RIGHTS in Guyana!!! Men can do whatever they want to and however they feel like it and nothing is being done.A few courageous women might make a report to the police station and yet it goes unreported/files missing. The police can be bought over with a simple pepsi and a fry rice in Guyana.
Guyanese men know that domestic abuse is unacceptable in The United States/Canada so they know where to try it and where not to.Some women endure all the abuses and do not complain because they worry about their children’s future.How can we stop domestic violence especially in the rural areas?Who is going to help battered women and children when they can barely manage to survive for themself?We keep on hearing about millions donated to stop domestic violence/and building shelters but i dont see any in the country areas.Where is the money going and is being done to help the victims?
The act of domestic violence comes down to personal choice, no?
In the west indian community, it is trans-generational in many cases..
I understand that there aren’t as many resources in other countries but if you feel so strongly why not campaign about it? Why not get your peers involved in it. If we don’t do anything, nothing will happen and people will continue to dismiss domestic violence and other serious matters.
The west indies is still growing, and with all culture and countries they have flaws and corruption ,it will take time to work out the bugs, but in the mean time family needs to stick together and be more supportive towards each other. from what i’ve seen growing up in Trinidad no one ever wanted to get involve in other people’s business cause you are now the bad guy i’ve seen enough hate in my life and i got sisters i’ll be dam if any one put’s a hand on them more people should start getting involve, once the abuser see’s that family and friends care it’ll stop if not then you do like we do when a MARINE steps out of line it’s taken to the tree line and then it’s settle. my mom use to say “who don’t listen will feel ” so if you lke to abuse and take advantage of weaker people just rember pay back is a B…………..
Our countries are always growing. Hopefully we take part in the growth because then we’ll never be heard.
My opinions on domestic violence:
http://baiganchoka.com/blog/2008/07/15/my-sincere-opinion-on-domestic-violence-in-the-west-indian-community/
I agree with Lcpl Gosine. Generally, these kinds of behavior usually take a blind eye in many countries. Third world countries in particular. Anywhere you have a place were the law can be bent or broken and overlooked because of political connection or money. It takes time for society to come around and acknowledge that this is wrong. In India this happens a lot as well. Children have grown to except it. As my favorite comedian once said, “Immigrant parents aren’t afraid to beat their kids”.
Did you totally quote Russell Peters? lol.
There’s a difference in disciplining children and beating children. But there is no difference in beating a husband, wife, etc. Abuse is abuse. And it occurs in different ways as mentioned b4. My mom had to deal with domestic violence, and she said she stayed for the sake of her children. Now as we grew older, there’s were times when we had to intervene. Some people are strong to handle the situation and leave. Others have dealt with it for so long, they see no reason to leave - and by that time, it’s probably too late.
Some guys are possessive, domineering… and not just guys, women too - and that is a factor. But it’s hard to do anything when you’re in a third world country dominated by men or in a country that hardly helps minorities.
Yeah totally. Thanks for sharing.
Ritual abuse stretches cultures and religions. Unfortunately, it is perpetrated more often by men than by women. Traditionally, women tend to follow their spouse’s example. Hence a culture of acceptance of abuse through the generations. Indian / Pakistani culture tends to roll along these traditional lines where the patriarch is “Godlike” in the home and the woman and kids are subservient to him. It is total bullshit and I agree with Pady wholeheartedly. I must stress that it is the “woman” that needs to break these shackles of traditional acceptance of abuse because the “man” will continue to be the “pig’ and use power, violence and influence if he is allowed to get away with it.
“Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts, absolutely” - Lord Acton.
(I think this concept applies to mankind, universally)
Afzaal,
You know what’s kinda ironic. Some DV batterers are often shy and timid to the outside world but in the confines of their homes they become this totally different character. This may be due to issues they had to deal during their childhood and other experiences. The sad notion is that DV is universal but why don’t we address it? It would benefit everyone.
Pady,
I am so proud of you, ayoung person, confronting this problem head on. It seems that the older folks think domestic violence is okay or they are just ashamed to seek help or to discuss it.
Let us talk and see the possibilities of addressing this topic in order to help those affected, not only Guyanese.
Thanks so much. I’m actually grateful that the older generation like yourself are giving the younger generations, like me the time to hear us out on these serious issues. People fail to realize how young people are affected by their parents and older generations, especially when they aren’t listening to each other and disregard topics such as DV.
Also, of course this article wasn’t only meant to specifically say only West Indians are involved in cases of DV, its everyone under the sun. I figured at least target the community I know first and then spread out to the mass.
If you are interested in working against domestic violence in the Guyanese community here in NY, try looking at organizations like Sakhi for South Asian Women or Pragati.
Thanks for the info.
That was a really good piece of writing…and the topic is one that West-Indian people should really start thinking more about. Rell good, Pady-cakes!
Thanks Chaddypants!
You being a West Indian male, I really appreciate you acknowledging that issues such as DV are serious topics we need to attend to in our culture rather than push it to the side.
Hi Pady, I’m writing just to let you know that here in Italy women abuse has been a normal behavior for a really long time. Just in the ‘60 women began to fight for their rights, and with them a lot of other “unseen” categories.
Women in Italy had to struggle hard to achieve their present level of freedom and rightness from society, and even today I can see seeds of violence and abuse everywhere, in offices, schools, politic etc.
The only thing I can say to a girl in a country like India is: KEEP ON STRUGGLING, KEEP ON SEEKING FOR A RIGHTEOUS TOMORROW.
It will be hard and painful to reach, but it’s possible.
My best regards,
one of the guys out of the choir
Well Said Dario..It is possible to reach.
Hi Dario, thanks for the comment.
I’m in the US ans we still see DV here too just like Italy and India.