My Sincere opinion on domestic violence in the West Indian Community
July 15, 2008
Well, if you read my intro on domestic violence, this is my sincere opinion and thoughts on the issue at hand. I honestly feel that people who enact in domestic violence should be criminally punished. It’s hard to prove emotional, verbal and mental abuse but when so many young people are hanging themselves over the distraught their parents have bestowed on them, shouldn’t these people see what they are doing? I mean seriously, how many of you have parents that TELL you what to do rather than ask? If you didn’t hear the first time, you either got yelled at more or hit immensely because you didn’t do what you were told. Here I thought I was a human being not one of Pavlov’s dogs.
I really hate the fact that West Indian parents are so insistently competitive with one another about their child’s achievements. For arguments sake, Vickram brings home 5 A’s and a B. Some of you know first hand that that isn’t acceptable my any means because these parental units feel that it’s not worth bragging about and that it seems as if we’re not children to them but rather their trophies that they can flaunt around. I’m sorry I’m not your little toy to dangle around for show and tell to your other ignorant peers. Situations like such raise the consequences of domestic violence. I am so ashamed to know that there are people out there that abuse their children because they don’t exceed to a certain societal standard and could someone please explain to me this standard that goes hand in hand with punishment? So what I didn’t get all A’s but that doesn’t mean I’m any less intelligent or lesser than Uncle what’s-his-face’s daughter! Who cares?
What this “old-school” thinking just makes people fear rather than want to really show who they are. Let’s be honest. How many of you can joke around with your parents? I’m sure a majority of you can’t at all or else you might get smacked across your face. You may be in your 20’s and even older and for some odd reason we abide by these “rules” because we don’t realize we’re in fact victims of domestic violence. We allow the abuse to happen because maybe we don’t know any other way that other people do things, like positive reinforcement for the good deeds we do. It seems as if only doing what you’re told, knowing the new chutney songs and being a plaything in our so called culture is the only thing reinforced. How is it that so many people go to Rum Jungle on a weekly basis, get into fights and brag about it the rest of the week and it’s said as if it’s a big joke? Is that what our culture is? Is that who we are… a giant joke?
There can be loads of underlying conditions why people behave the way they do and even enact in abuse. Like I mentioned earlier, it can be a learned behavior and is also reinforced by our environment. A prime example, an acquaintance of mine, from college who was a West Indian female, age 20, had a boyfriend, age 23. He used to physically hit her when she didn’t do things for him. I didn’t know all of this was going on until I saw bruises on her back. She claimed that it was just a “misunderstanding and that things happen”. She also felt that “she deserved it” because she didn’t meet him up at a certain time when he told her to. If that’s not the biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard in my life. Of course, as a friend I tried helping her as much as possible but she didn’t want any help. She constantly made excuses for him and said she “was in love”. I highly doubt that. I can’t tell you what she is up to these days because I haven’t seen her in years. But I do know that she really felt like this was normal. She was used to this behavior. She wouldn’t talk about it and when if it ever came up, she would make it seem like a total joke. I don’t know her well enough to know all of the reasons why she may think this is acceptable but I do know that she was a good person and very intelligent. So, domestic violence, as you can see it spans throughout everyone. This case, this girl thought that this was normal in a “loving” relationship. I know a few of you are thinking to yourself about how stupid she may seem and yes I felt the same way too when I tried to help her and she resisted. But, I feel that domestic violence is bigger than that. We need to address it and maybe these girls and guys will see that it’s not a normal behavior that we need to change our ways on how to deal with people.
I don’t know about you but I’m quite verbal about my opinions and I would really hate someone trying to censor me by using such cowardly ways of coercion such as domestic violence. I want you all to know, my peers that we should be heard! We are full of worth and have loads to contribute, especially our culture and educating them that these so called “old-school/traditional” ways may have been the way things were done in older times but its not now! In order for our cultures to flourish, we need to understand and be honest of what’s really going on and treat domestic violence as the crime it is! It’s not a joke and if you still feel it is… think about your sister getting beaten so badly that she ends up with a subdermal hematoma, coma or ends up dead. Would you call the authorities? Think about your neighbor, the nice guy that you wave to that you have no idea what his parents tell him about his grades and constantly tells him negative criticisms to the point he commits suicide. Just because everyone seems to enact in such a way doesn’t mean it’s the right way and maybe we should be more aware of what is going on within our culture and deal with it rather than ignore these highly sensitive issues!
Pady
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10 Responses to “My Sincere opinion on domestic violence in the West Indian Community”
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Speaking from experience, many cultures (Indian, in my case) have a society that is built on pride, praise, and accolades on their child’s scholastic success. You can’t ignore the fact that each type of culture have there ideas of what is honored and what is not. Achieving high stature in academia is praise amongst Asian culture. Those who achieve high educations are honored. Those who don’t get shunned, forgotten, or are victimized (mentally and physically). The Greek culture for example (more particularly Sparta), praised strength. My point is, every culture has what they consider strength items and weak items. The people who can navigate threw these standard do well. Other drown, and yet still other try to use ingenuity to carve there own path.
With all this in mind, many fall to acts of domestic violence as shear desperation to continue or establish their control. Half the time they are pretty ignorant and have not clue why they are doing it. The only thing that drives them is their misunderstood concept of what is accepted and not accepted in their social circle.
I agree. The whole point I’m raising is that should be aware so they are more educated on the topic. Of course domestic violence spans cross culturally so I’m not limiting my opinions just for one culture. The only way we can beat ignorance is teaching little by little.
This is an ideal fourm to truly express concerns regarding domestic violence.It is in my opinion that it all boils down to cultural values subsequently.Let’s look at our world today,golbalization has altered (esp us indians) our traditional values & culture.However within our globalized existence.A major percentage of East indians still base their lives on tradition,unfortunately one of that being abuse.Compared us west indians as opposed to the east indians,whereby in western civilization (esp first world countries) zero tolerence policy authorities uphold against domestic violence.In some instances however,in third world countries,authority as well as persons within society turn a blind eye.Not seeing it being a problem of their’s,unless their involved directly.Honestly,unfortunately it’s a much apart of our physiological being,form our earlier ancestors.Well honestly it is in my opinion if any change has to occur,it starts with us & with our generation.We have to make the awareness of abuse & it’s ugly hand known and to educate those involve in our generation and ultimately our generation to come…
i agree because people need to know what domestic violence can do to you and your love ones
And what can be said of so many females who are the subject of abuse, yet refuses to leave their abusive partners?
Hell yeah,of course that this is a crime!!!It’s abuse,and psychological and physical torturing,it can make serious mind distortions in mind,it is destroying lives!Abused person is becoming,in some way,a slave of the person who abuses her!Also I think that abused person,beacuse of fear of abuser,can help itself,it keeps getting over it,and storing that fear deeper and deeper in mind,until that person cracks!!I
If the abused person is not strong enough to protect,or just can’t protect herself,it should give that person a help,it’s hard but at least we should try to help those persons!!All in all,it’s very primitive,very coverdly and sick act!!
Suraj,
I whole heartily agree with you. that is why i chose to blog for this site and share a few of my opinions about issues that really impact me and my loved ones. I can only hope maybe even one person is out there reading this who is a victim of DV and is seriously thinking about their situations and future plans.
Vita,
none of us want to see our loved ones hurt that’s why we should all be aware. Most people need support and lots of love to get through rough times. We need to empower each other in making healthy, positive decisions for each other and most importantly ourselves. Because think about an individual that is a victim who is a parent. The children are at high risk of getting abused as well (if they are not already are).
Vick,
we can’t force any one to do anything. But we can show our support. Like i mentioned above to Vita, it’s all about empowering others by showing them support and love. We can’t give up when they tell us “oh it’s nothing”.
Narayan,
I agree its totally a crime and some individuals don’t feel that way because they are still being allowed to be the batterer and try any means of continuing their power over another person. But always remember it’s not always a woman that’s a victim of abuse, a male can equally fall victim to abuse.
Pady,
You are so correct about these misguided parents who all they want to do is brag about the “genius child/children” they have. While there is nothing wrong with being educated, it is absolutely ridiculous to condemn your friends or other relative children who may not be gettin all A’s.
Some children are smart when they are young and become failures when they get to college, where it matters the most. On the other hand some who are slow when they are young, pull themselves together when it matters most; College.
This happens in Guyana amongst all ethnic groups. However, this is not unique to Guyana, but happens throught the Caribbean. Its a way of gaining “Status” or to become part of the “upper class” in society. As though its not enough to have your qualifications and be a productive citizen in society, where your expertise can benefit all. Many wants to be “better” than others.
Regarding amongst Indo-Guyanese, this is an inherent quality of our foreparents in India. The caste system promotes this archaic ridiculous behaviour. Some Indo-Guyanese accepts this as part of their “Indian Culture”
The Guyanese culture regarding children {speak only when you are spoken to} and because are a male chauvnistic society, women MUST know their place also. These are prerequisites that leads to domestic violence. Alcoholism plays a major role in DV. The excuse the men use is, ” I was drunk, the liquor made me do it” and this should make the woman forgive and forget. SO STOP DRINKING ALCOHOL.
I am so happy that a young and concerned person like you is addressing this very important topic. I AM PROUD. I like to see young people getting involved in problems that affect our society.
Mr. Mohan,
I totally agree with you also just because someone doesn’t have perfect grades doesn’t mean they aren’t smart. Neither does having 8 degrees qualifies you as any better than anyone. I feel that we are all human and we have our strengths in many different things. One may be great at scholarly topics when another may be strong at hands on activities. Does this make anyone better than another? NO!
Also the whole hierarchy of parents using their children to seem better in society, how futile is that? Shouldn’t parents encourage their children to do better for themselves and to support them, nurture them and treat them as their child… not some materialistic possession.
Yes, and people should take FULL responsibility if their intoxicated or not. It’s still that person enacting in that behavior. I guess people feel they should blame other factors rather than themselves because they can get away with it and others will by pass the real issues, that maybe in face there are some real internal issues that person has and is drowning it in alcoholism and DV.
Thanks a lot. I’m just glad that elders like yourself give us youngsters a chance to speak and be heard.
Great article, kudos for raising awareness in your community.