Cultural misunderstandings within West Indian Families
April 28, 2008
I am writing this piece in response to a conversation I had with a friend two nights ago regarding the lack of many West Indian parents being able to comprehend the lifestyle adjustments their children acclimate to as a critical part of survival process in the United States as per say to that in the Caribbean.
In many instances and in many West Indian homes in the United States, parents and children mount in verbal conflicts when methodologies comparing past up bringing and present day lifestyles come in head on collision. This scenario often occurs when parents and children alike do not recognize each other because both parties fail to take into account the perspective of the other as to how past experiences influence current behavior and dictates parental control together with adapting to current life in order to ensure survival. Thus, from the child’s perspective, parents are set in their old ways and cannot understand and from a parent’s perspective, children do not know how difficult it was growing up and the current way to do things is the way of the parent. To that I will say, there are many roads to reach the same destination albeit some are better suited than others.
Now I am not opposing wisdom as a product of experience but the fact is, the imbroglio between parents and children coming of age is that parents see situations and envision the outcome because of past experiences, while children envision the situation lacking the experience. Now it must be taken into context that the amenities that make modern like modern were vastly limited to our parents 10, 20, 30 years ago and the impact these amenities have had on modern life is clearly immeasurable. Thus, when conflicting situation comes into play between parents and children, considerations on the part of both parties must be kept in mind how the situation will be resolved.
What my friend noted to me was that no matter how much he tried explaining to his parents that he appreciates dating as per say finding a partner and getting married, his mother never understands and accepts it. What I said in response to his situation is that your parents will probably never understand that’s just a fact of their past experiences which currently dictates their situation handling. What many West Indians parents fail to realize is that the amenities we utilize everyday has forced a cultural shift. The days of coming of age and acquiring a suitable lifelong partner as quickly as possible has for the most past been written into history. We want more dynamic experiences and that is an influence coming from the environment we interact with daily. This does not say that our parents do not interact the very surroundings we do but the impact it has on them is quite different because their past experiences has created set (Situation, Action, Outcome) plots that comes into internal conflict when contradicting scenarios come into question.
The fact is, adaptation to new environments and lifestyles are quite difficult for anyone who is accustomed to one way of living and our parents are no exception to that rule. The key to keeping a open an relationship with parents is to acknowledge them and do so with the understanding that in many cases they will not “get you,” in the same way that you do not “get them.” Such is the reality in many West Indian families that have migrated to the United States and with young children who are presently coming of age.
Andrew
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5 Responses to “Cultural misunderstandings within West Indian Families”
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Well you right Andrew….our parents don’t understand us completely as we ourselves don’t understand them. We’re both from “different worlds”, and I agree that we do need to sit back every now and again and think of were our parents are coming from when it seems that they do not understand our point of view. The funny thing though is no matter how much one tries to understand their parents you can never fully understand unless you experience it, so some of us might think we understand but the truth is we don’t….we just think we do.
For example my father tells me that when he was a kid he had to bring water from a mile away, now even though I dream up in my head the whole experience and say ok…I get it, that was really hard, but you know what……. I haven’t the slightest clue, I mean really can you imagine bringing water day after day from a mile away….I don’t know how I would deal with that situation, but the funny thing I just thought of is, my father knows…lol
You know what though even though we cant grasp the full experiences of our parents, when you think of it we can at least try and I think that makes a difference.
its so funny though with all this being said if I ever had to bring water from a mile away day in and day out I would probably want to run away and live close to a river or something…..
I can relate!
This gets so frustrating! What’s even worse is when the parent/adult acts as though they have become so “Americanized”, yet they so blindly act like traditional West Indian parents.
I understand and people have to understand the depths of these problems happening in many parts of the world. I believe strongly that alot of these issues comes from the parents they need to be educated so that there children would make a better world for themsleves and their generation to come.
Children also in the same light Sara Lee need to grasp the influence of the brain on behavior. Think of yourself in the routine things you do and why you do them and how it would be if someone try to change those things especially if you think they are absolute… You are also correct as to the reason you noted, however, the process is a difficult one since the experience of many of our parents are quite limiting.
Many East Indian parents are guilty of being dictators of their children’s life. This plays out most typically where marriage is concerned. In this day and age, the archaic village mentality of disowning a child because of who they want to marry is still prevalent.
What it highlights is the insecurity and uncertainty of most parents. If as a parent you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you’ve taught your child the values they need, shouldn’t you be able to rest assure that he/she would know what to look for in a partner ? Then again, who has to live with the person ? The parent or the child? So does it really matter what a parent thinks ? Their thoughts aren’t going to provide food, clothing or shelter for the couple.