Communication= Better Sex Life & Relationship.
October 9, 2007
At first glance, we all know, sex is important, and naturally we all hope to have a relationship that works, but what gets us there?
In most cases one would say, if the sex isn’t good, then the relationship wouldn’t last. How true is this? Doesn’t communication beat those struggles in the long run? Should we not always remain open and true to our significant others? Being able to verbalize what is or isn’t happening in the sack, and not just in the bed, but also stating how we are or aren’t feeling anymore is extremely important.
Everyone should be capable of learning how to satisfy the other person and themselves. Yes, satisfying yourself is a good thing; there is nothing wrong with masturbation. The art of pleasing ones self gives you the advantage of being able to say “this is how I like it,” and that’s not bad at all… If you know how to satisfy yourself, you can teach someone how to do it for you as well. We are behind closed doors; with the ones we’re choosing to trust. If you want the relationship to work and succeed Trust yourself and the other person tell them what you need, so your needs can be met.
I can’t stress enough how important these things are, they are vital components for improvement within us, and our relationships.
Let us look at one night stand situations, if the sex turned out to be a let down, then you’ve just experienced a waste of time and energy that leaves you lacking; maybe even walking away feeling somewhat less of who you are… And this only applies to those who carry a higher value for themselves and what they do to their bodies. What if the sex was great? Would you then want to continue having sex with this individual? Does it become a situation where you now have a friend with benefits? If so, be aware of the emotional strings that can develop; verbalize where you stand, and what lines can and can NOT be crossed. Make sure that there’s an equal amount of understanding and acceptance of the situation.
A healthier approach for a long term relationship would be to get to know the person better (6 months-1year) before “getting it on”, and not getting too caught up in the initial emotions. Talk about their past/present and future… Make sure that your interests and concerns coincides with theirs and if they don’t, see if they are open to your ideas, because if they are not, it will turn out to be a very conflicting situation. Find out if compromise is something they are open to, if changes should occur. Ask questions that are important to you, if they have had a sexual history, are they comfortable with getting tested for STD’s, do they get tested, remember that in the end no one will look out for you, more than you. Are they the type to whisk away from using protection; or do they use it at all times… Don’t fear the answers; fear the question that was never asked. Never be bullied into silence either, remain open and confident that you need to know, in order for things to work for you as well as the other person. Knowing makes all the difference in the world. Being left in the dark, will leave you looking around for something that may not even be there…
It’s important to remember that YOU and only YOU are your own form of protection; so be wise and make choices that will ensure the minimal amount of regret. Most importantly, hold off on sex if you can, because IT IS WORTH THE WAIT.
On a side note, we all get taken for a granted and sometimes get led on, we are treated unfairly and wrong… That’s just the world changing every day, we suffer at the hands of other people (usually the ones we love), sometimes with reason (our own mistakes), and other times, unnecessarily.
But when does the hurt and wounded decide that they need to be just as unfair as the one that’s hurting them? Two wrongs never make a right. In every experience, I’ve learned that sometimes, talking does not help, and yes, in those instances, one must do what they have to do, and walk away knowing they did their absolute best and it just didn’t work out.
In other cases, your significant other may be so caught up in so many day to day chores, worries, and concerns about how to improve on their financial status, school, work, and prior commitments that they just can’t ignore, and they lose sight of you even existing in their lives. You feel, unappreciated, and unnoticed, should they be blamed for that?
Absolutely not, unless this person is a mind reader, they will never truly get what they are doing to you or not doing for you unless you tell them. Because of you not speaking up, they will assume that you are accepting of what they are doing, and understanding of all the matters they have going on in their lives. So verbalize it to them, pull them aside, ask them to hear you out, give them the benefit of the doubt that they can break the habit of overlooking you. Maybe you were trying to be considerate and not let the person know, because you felt like they had enough on their plate as it is, and shouldn’t be bothered with you feeling down by their actions. But then how does that help fix anything? You’re just choosing to let an on-going problem, get even bigger.
When you’ve made a choice to be in a relationship, you’ve chosen to merge your life together with someone elses, from that moment you are a team. You are there to help each other, and better each other. Your only aim is to build on that bond that brought you together. Being together means you no longer live seperate lives… Consideration for each others thoughts, feelings and opinions are now going to be a constant thing that IS going to factor in to the things you do…
You must talk to each other, no one is expected to be a mind reader; so please say how you are feeling. You must communicate; be aware that if you don’t talk, you will both start making assumptions. And making assumtions only means “making an ass out of you and me.” So before walking out of a situation completely, or finding someone else, and possibly damaging things for good. Work it out, find out if there’s room for improvment before destroying everything.
Understanding only comes with communication.
So humble your egos, and forget your pride, & start communicating~!
-Sha
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Comments
7 Responses to “Communication= Better Sex Life & Relationship.”
Got something to say?
love your analysis>> what might also be of interest is forging sceneros that might enable couples who are experiencing relationship woes work their issues out.
You’ve also mentioned STDS. What might also be of interest is helping peers over come the stigmas of getting tested for sexual diseases>> I am interested on your take.
Great job..
Press on..
Yes, communication is essential to a relationship, but it is not a prereq for better sex. Sex can still be great even while the relationship suffers from communication problems. Some relationships are soley based on sex because some couples can’t seem to communicate with each other for whatever reason - they resort to sex because it’s an escape from the issues they would rather not deal with. However, communication does make better relationships and that could lead to amazing sex for some.
Andrew: Glad you enjoyed the read. I will write more on relationships and problems within the modern day, guy/girl, love-life situations; as far as STD’s goes, it is one of my most important pieces that I’ll be working on to post on here, because I do feel that there are too many of our peers who easily have sex, yet create a huge problem when it comes to getting tested. So it will definitely be a topic that I will touch as soon as time gets on my side…
Pakar: If the sex is great without communication, that’s good. Some people have a good sexual bond together and as you said just lack the ability to talk to each other. Where that sometimes leaves a bit of awkwardness; in terms of things always being 1 way. Great sex, but no talk, can make it exciting in one aspect, yet quite stale in another. It will ultimately keep someone searching for what is missing… As much as Sex can be a temporary escape to avoid the issues at hand, those issues do not go away without working it out. So in a long-term perspective, it will end because of the lack of communication and understanding between the couple. Not being able to communicate will end a good sex life, just as easily as talking can create a good sex life, or make an already amazing sex life stay alive…
And whatever happened to waiting until marriage? I’m not saying that’s how I feel or don’t feel, I’m just throwing the question out there. Forget about where religion stands on the issue of sex before marriage. Communication may equal better relationship and better sex, but can sex, great or not, sustain a relationship? Or are we just testing the prodcut before deciding on whether it’s worth the purchase or not?
“Communication may equal better relationship and better sex, but can sex, great or not, sustain a relationship?”
To clarify what I said. I didn’t mean sex alone. Obviously sex alone cannot sustain a relationship. What I meant was, can sex before marriage sustain a relationship?
What sustains a relationship is purely based upon the bond that the two people share together. How much they have gone through with each other, what keeps them together is the understanding between them. And Sex before marriage is something that’s just the same as sex after marriage. Sure waiting until marriage can make it more interesting and keep the sex life going longer after marriage (At least one would hope). But like all things, after a certain amount of time, it will become less and less; because of commitments. With children, and work, and bills and obligations; the time for sex can get taken away… Results being tiredness, frustrations, etc., just will sometimes make a person not even get in the mood. So it’s up to the couple to talk, talk, talk, so simple; so once again, it is important to just be open and be able to communicate.